I’ve been very blessed with the opportunity to travel extensively. I’ve been to some of the most beautiful places on the planet. I love to travel, and even to fly. But it wasn’t always that way.
From the time I was a kid, I was petrified to fly. I especially hated to fly alone. I think this stemmed from one of those childhood séance games where I was told I’d die in a plane crash. Everything that even led up to flying scared me. My stomach dropped when I got my first glimpse of the airport from the cab. Standing in a long security line would have panic rising inside me. The fear was so strong my legs would shake. I would look around frantically wondering if anyone could see the terror on my face – and sure that they could.
Every time I boarded an aircraft, I felt I was being sent to my death. Every bump, every turbulent jolt had me clutching the arms of my seat, hands sweating, heart pounding, breathing way too shallow. I was so afraid to fly, I would get physically sick. Yes, I’ve used a few airbags in my time…
I did a lot of work on myself to make my peace with flying. I did hypnosis, meditation, subliminal tapes, writing out affirmations and repeating them. I finally got to a place where I could fly without feeling sick and with relative calm. If turbulence cropped up or if I felt nervous, I would simply call to Archangel Michael or meditate. This always worked. It worked when I was traveling home in the wake of a hurricane and the plane was bouncing up and down. It even worked when I had to slide down the slide of a British Airways flight that never left the ground in Phoenix. I’ve been traveling with more confidence for the past six years or so.
This year though, my travel fears came back with a vengeance. I actually got sick on a flight to Houston. That hadn’t happened in years. The pilot said it was the bumpiest ride he’d ever experienced and I knew it wasn’t about that at all. I got to the point where I felt unsafe in my own vehicle (this is unheard of!) and I had a complete meltdown when my well-meaning partner told me we’d be taking the ferry across the mighty St. Lawrence to Quebec City. I’ve been on ferries, boats and cruise ships my whole life. I’ve even sailed down the Nile. There was no reason to have a fit. I just didn’t feel safe. I ended up loving the ferry and the view — once I was done crying.
But then…. I went to visit Sai Maa. Sai Maa is an Enlightened Being. She is God and she knows it. She’s a Master in our own backyard. I first met Sai Maa in Albany in June of 2013. As soon as I caught a glimpse of her, I started crying. When she stepped from her vehicle in a wide-brimmed hat with a huge smile and walked toward the crowd that had gathered to greet her, I kept crying. I couldn’t stop.
She is so beautiful. At 60, her café au lait skin is flawless. She possesses a timeless radiance, an inner light no amount of youth can match. In short, she is breath-taking. But that was not the reason for my tears. I was crying because I could feel her energy. I could feel the love of Divine Mother and it opened my heart. I was not prepared for my reaction to her. I’d never experienced anything like it and I knew that in some way she was for me – although I didn’t know quite what that meant. I felt like some part of me had recognized her and was SO thrilled to see her again.
After meeting her, I knew I was meant to learn from her. I had to attend her retreat. And, yes, I had to fly there alone. I wasn’t so happy about it, but I knew my time with her would be more than worth it. I read the astrological forecast for the day I planned to leave. It told me not to travel! Things would break and be delayed. People would be angry and mean. Stay home if you can, it warned. I thought, Really Universe? Really? Then just as quickly, That’s not what’s in my heart and that’s not what I’m going to manifest. I called to Sai Maa for grace. I know this prison is of my own making, I told her. Please give me the grace to get through it, just for today…
And she did. My flight was quick and smooth. And on time. Everyone I dealt with from the cab driver to the security personnel to the flight attendant was pleasant. I arrived at my destination happy and feeling well.
The purpose of the retreat was to do healing work with Sai Maa. I was very ready to do this work. As I watched other attendees do theirs, I was so struck by how transformed they all were. Their faces were luminous, their eyes full of light; they looked years younger! I could see it was easier for them to express themselves. I kept thinking, I want what they’re having.
When I got up to do my work, there was no thinking. There was only feeling. Sai Maa guided me through the experience. Life-long fears and limiting beliefs I’ve held were removed. Programming that had been running me since childhood was gone. I was aware as soon as we were done that I was more in my essence, more my True Self.
Sai Maa asked me, as she had asked the others before me, to step aside and stand with my arms outstretched. She wanted me to feel my new energy, since my consciousness had been transformed. As I closed my eyes and stretched out my arms, I was aware that my entire stance on the earth was different. I was grounded in a way I never had been. I felt lighter, yet full. Powerful, but soft.
As Maa watched me move, she said, “Oh, she is a sensual one, this one.”
I laughed. Then I started to cry.
“What do you feel?” she asked me.
“I feel joy.”
“And I hear, ‘finally,’” she said.
“Yes, finally,” I repeated. I had been calling to Maa for joy for months, and here it was!
I thanked Maa and went back to my seat to witness the work of others. I knew that if even the way I stood was different, then my experiences would be very different too.
During a break, I was sitting in the back of the retreat room with my eyes closed and my back against the wall. I had the experience of being One with the rotation of the earth. I could feel it and see it! I was actually IN the rotation of the earth. This lasted for about 30 seconds to a minute. OK, I realize we are all always in the rotation of the earth by virtue of the very fact that we are here, but I’ve never been consciously aware of that subtle movement.
A few times at the retreat, I had the experience of complete contentment. I was sitting watching the others do their work, just gazing out, when all thought ceased in my head. There was nothingness…. Just complete contentment…. And then my range of vision started to crumble…. That happened a few times, for no more than a minute, but it was amazing! The freedom I felt after working with Maa was astounding. I’d never experienced it before in this lifetime.
Then it was time to go home. I wasn’t worried about the flight at all. No tremors at the sight of the airport and no long security line. One of other retreat attendees was in the same terminal and we talked about our experiences until it was time for me to board. There was no more feeling of moving toward my death when I boarded the plane. I was just excited to get back to Boston.
Aboard the plane, I had the row to myself. When does that ever happen anymore? I was so relaxed, peaceful and serene the whole flight! It was a very smooth, very quick flight and we were making our descent into Boston before I knew it. Since I was alone in the row, I looked out the window. This is not something I usually do. Normally upon take off and landing I am sitting very still in my seat with my head against the back of the chair. I don’t dare move my head for fear of motion sickness. Now I was enjoying the view and the glow of the lights as we glided over Boston harbor.
It wasn’t the first time I’d seen the lights over the city, but this time I was awed by their luminescence and beauty. As I looked out, I kept thinking, This is so beautiful. This is so beautiful. Then I heard a voice in my head. It said, There can be no fear where there is love. And I just got it! I understood that to the core of my being. I started crying tears of gratitude for the understanding of that simple truth. In that moment I knew it didn’t matter what happened next. It didn’t matter if the plane banked right, if it banked left, or if it fell out of the sky, because I was okay! I got it!
It’s one thing to know a concept intellectually and quite another to feel it to the core of your being. I had always known that fear and love couldn’t exist in the same space. I couldn’t truly grasp it until I had the experience of being completely safe and completely free. My next trip is coming up soon. I know my future adventures will be blessed with freedom and a greater love of travel. I am so grateful to Sai Maa for the incredible gift of my freedom!
For more information on Sai Maa, visit her web site: Sai-Maa.com or like her on Facebook at:
Corinne L. Casazza is a freelance writer based in Boston, Massachusetts. She is currently at work on her third novel. Corinne believes that through creativity and humor, we all find our own inner light.
Corinne’s novel, Walk Like an Egyptian is available at Amazon.com or from Llumina Press.
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