Archive for September 2013

Travel to Sacred Sites: Vulnerability

September 24, 2013
Corinne on top of the Pyramid of the Moon

The author atop the Pyramid of the Moon, Teotihuacan, Mexico

The following is a chapter excerpt from my upcoming book: “Break These Chains of Love: A New Paradigm for Relationship”

You may be wondering how traveling to sacred sites can improve your relationship. There are power spots all over the world: Areas of the earth that hold a higher vibration of energy which helps us to release whatever we desire to let go of – thus revealing more of our True Selves. But don’t worry if your passport isn’t in order, or you’re not a fan of travel – any site can be sacred if that’s your intention.

                Since I woke up in 2001, despite my initial, significant fear of traveling, I’ve made it a point to travel to a different sacred site each year. I love trekking to ancient places and discovering new things about myself.

               My most recent trip was to Teotihuacan, Mexico – a place known for opening the heart space. It means, “the place where man recognizes he is God.” Teo was very transformational for me, in fact it may have marked me for life.

 Our group of 17 pilgrims was told we’d begin the morning with yoga before heading out on the land. Yoga was not optional. I had great resistance to this. After all, it was my vacation, I didn’t want to get up early and exercise. I do that the rest of the year. I complained to my roommate about it. I whined so much she told me to just get over it. I wasn’t over it. I should have recognized my resistance, but I didn’t. Over the years, I’ve learned that when I experience great resistance, it means there’s something important for me to know. I also find in the midst of resistance I stop all my spiritual practices that would actually help. When I’m irritated and resisting, there is no meditation, no breathing in and out of my heart space, and no giving gratitude for all I have. My stubborn personality wins and continues resisting. It really doesn’t make much sense when I’m aware these practices would make me feel much better and end my resistance. Still, it continues to be my choice much of the time.

Even though I was personally opposed to yoga, I didn’t want to let the rest of my group down.  We are a team; a family, and I wanted to be a part of this, so I got into my favorite black spandex workout pants and a red sweatshirt I bought as a tourist in Sedona, and headed out to join my team.

Even in my resistance, the stretching felt good. Okay, the sweet Mexican coffee with cinnamon and molasses may have lifted my mood a bit before I hit the floor. As I relaxed on the floor,  stretching and feeling into the energy of Mother Earth, I kept hearing the message in my head over and over, “It’s safe to be vulnerable. It’s safe to be vulnerable.”

I had been told this before I left Boston, and here it was in the present moment.

At first I thought it was just related to the stretch, since having your body flat on the ground with your neck and arms outstretched and your legs wide open is definitely a vulnerable position, especially for a woman. As I lay there, deepening the stretch and my contemplation, I realized it was more than that. It was a definitely a message and affirmation from the Universe.

                It allowed me to recognize that in the past, I had never wanted to be vulnerable, especially in my relationships with men. I felt it was a weakness that opened me to the rejection I was so afraid of. I remembered a reaction I’d had in dance class when a troupe of male belly dancers joined us for an afternoon. I thought, Who wants to be vulnerable in front of men? Not me!  Funny, I knew I must be vulnerable to dance and was open to it, but wasn’t willing to risk it in relationship.

I had so often felt completely powerless in relationship. It was my habit to come from a place of fear, lack and neediness. This choice was so ingrained in me, I wasn’t even aware I was doing it! Neither did I realize, at first, that another way was available to me.

Choosing fear created a space where I could never get what I wanted in relationship. Asking to have my needs met from this space was never even an option. The control freak that I was would never deign to ask for fear of rejection and abandonment. It seemed to me that no matter what I said or did it was always the wrong thing and I ended up alone. I became so frustrated with my relationships with men that I wondered to myself, “Am I just stupid? How come everyone else can do this and I can’t?”

Lying on the floor that morning with the Mexican sunshine streaming in through the windows, I understood that choosing to be vulnerable was something I must do to create the intimate relationship I deeply desired. I understood I needed to choose love, not fear.  I needed the courage to speak my truth with compassion and ask for my needs to be met. It occurred to me that I was always thinking, scheming, trying to manipulate and force things into place like puzzle pieces that didn’t fit. Instead, I realized, it’s possible to feel into a situation and just allow things to fall into place. I was also aware that knowing it and doing it are two different things.

                We left yoga class and headed out to the Avenue of the Dead. The avenue is comprised of several plazas and the pyramids of Quetzalcoatl, the Sun and the Moon. It’s a place of death and rebirth. Toltec warriors came here to bury their fears and be swallowed whole by Quetzalcoatl, the feathered serpent God. If they were ready, Quetzalcoatl would give them new life. If they weren’t, they would be spit out by the serpent and have to begin their quest all over again. Many warriors met their deaths in these initiations.

The plazas serve as places of contemplation before the initiation. It was in the plaza of fire that the true depth of my morning yoga message was revealed to me.  As I sat in meditation, I was pouring fire on my heart, fanning the flames of my heart’s desires, my passion and my purpose. Feeling into all the things I wanted to be, do and have. Breathing in and out of my heart space.

I felt my heart opening and receiving more and more heat as I did this. My heart was expanding with every breath. It was as if my breath were a bellows increasing the fire inside. The flames grew higher and higher. I saw them glow white hot – an all-consuming fire. I felt the heated expansion and the connection with my Divine Wisdom. I didn’t understand until much later that I was hearing my soul. Hearing its wishes and what it is (I AM) capable of. The flames licked at the core of my Being, and I knew that true vulnerability is a place of Divine Power, an expression of Divine Strength.

I felt the heat, the fire, continue to rise within me. With Divine Power as expression, I finally felt safe enough to be authentically vulnerable. I knew from the core of my being that vulnerability is the space I need to be in relationship from. I could feel that I had to let my desires, my wishes and goals lead me to allow my vulnerability. From this place of power, I could dream into existence all that I longed for in this lifetime. All I had to do was ask. All I had to do is co-create with Divine Source.  I felt this knowingness deep in my heart center, and felt tears of joy flow down my cheeks! It felt so good to finally know that authentic relationship was accessible to me. …

Corinne’s novel, Walk Like an Egyptian is available at Amazon.com.

Check out Corinne’s Facebook Fan Page for tips for beginning writers.

Visit Corinne’s Web site: http://www.CasazzaWriting.com

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